Wednesday, June 4, 2014

The Wake Up Call


Remember when I once said that I’ll bump my head one day and hope for the best that a magic fixing my untamable wild decisions will happen?!

Well… I didn’t bump my head… My tiny little brain did not initiate anything to try and follow the right path that is just so struggling to pull me the whole time… ugh!

So my ever dependable God gave me a taste of a good and a well-deserved bump! 


Aaaaawwwwtttssss talaga! 

There's a first time for everything... and this really was a first time. I wasn't drunk. REALLY! I had three beers and that is so ok for me and we were running at the speed of 40 kph because Aya and I were having a conversation the whole trip... yet still... my back wheel slid when I tried changing alley from the uncemented road (where i should rightfully be by the way) to the cemented one. So there... The Ultimate Judge said...

That's for going home late...
That's for drinking and driving...
That's for not being with Chase...

And i humbly accept being castigated... the pain the following day was really felt through from the skin to the fllesh to the bones. wow! (I opted to apply the medication myself while at the clinic, I was afraid I might punch the nurse when she applies it and it stings! ... at least i can't hurt myself more if I do it myself haha)

But then again... I have no regrets! It was fun while it lasted... and the accident was really quite an experience and educational in many aspects. I will not do it again BUT it doesn't mean I will stop having fun! Fun is good... Fun makes me alive! Hehe!

Padayon!





Tuesday, October 30, 2012

The Dreadfulness of Haloween

Taken in 2006: Creative Shot for Grad Pic

I feel the evilness creeping in me, distressingly wanting to escape the barricades I so strongly built to cage it.
I feel its desire to be liberated from the chain of moral issues tightly binding it to a wall of ethical behaviors.
I feel the blaze of the flames of inferno

Taken in 2009, Holy Week celebration
Yet I'm still blessed with the wisdom to know right from wrong
and a LITTLE virtue to follow the path that is good and turn my back to the havoc of bad karma

Taken in Boracay in Summer of 2007
But then again, desire may be persuasive and anything good might be tainted, scarred, polluted.
At times, you might find yourself slipping, no matter how tightly you cling on to sanity

Back in 2006 (forgot what hotel)
But if not for the one time shot of living a fucking meaningful life on this earth, I would let myself astray
The rule will always be that "If you foresee regret, leave that direction. Shut it. Forget it"

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

... of confused minds and feelings...

Current State: Foggy Brain

(I don't want to be the the kind of person who throws away eternal ramblings about simple things. I only started this blog as my way of expressing out feelings and thoughts that I cannot keep to myself else they will fester and grow deep down and threaten my most precious sanity. Only when the feelings get too interesting will I ever try to write it down and pour all that i can out so I may deeply sigh before I sleep and think that I am not alone in this).


I have learned in rather short years that there are people around you who will just do their part of messing with your life and that if you get too affected with it, you'll lose the game you never even imagined that you got into.

In the process you'll just have to learn how to deal with it although it's difficult to do so when these people are quite persistent. I find myself reading back to advices I've given friends and try to follow them but God what a failure i can be sometimes.

So I practice to lighten up things, laugh about it and try to find pleasure in it even though at times it's just too fucked up you won't know how to push through. I try not to hate people (egocentric that I am)... unlike before... i think that maybe... maybe they're just more messed up inside than the internal bleeding they're trying to inflict in me and then then my brain cells will conclude that i should understand them as much as i do myself.

(Note: I purposely did not get into details)

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

My Grudge

I don't want to keep grudges... they tend to eat me up.

But then...
how can you forgive a person who you know fooled and is still fooling people around
how can you forget the issues he turned around so that he
will come out as the holy one and the others become the evil ones...
how can you learn to free yourself from the trauma he brought
when he keeps on coming back and acts the way as he has always been....

          confident to the point of arrogance and the lack of concern for others

in the end... i fear...
for my faith, that it will become selective
for my friends, that they might be blinded and become victims
for my family that they may become the recipients of a renewed wrath from this air-filled minded man

I pray... I do...
I do wish this lump I'm having will just melt away
But there's something that is keeping me from doing so

Maybe until I find repentance in his actions
Maybe until I find admission in his eyes
Maybe until I find the change in his whole being

Maybe, maybe then... I can forgive.

Monday, September 5, 2011

fury

i would say "incompetent bitches!" but you know... i might be more often that kind of person than they are so I'll just say "peace out".

just avoid making typo errors that will eat out other people's precious time and efforts. kalurkei!

Monday, February 14, 2011

Valentine Date with Joy



we initially went to the Zantan's Canteen to eat their famous burger which is the best burger so far in the province (P100/burger) but we were frustrated when we saw that it was close (really? on valentine's day?) so we went up the Abad street and opted for the ever red Hiro's Cafe...

we did't get enough choices but we were very full after eating an all-carbs afternoon snack..;)

when it comes to decorating a place, Hiro's Cafe is the perfect place to feel the occasion.

Thursday, July 1, 2010

and once again i melt...

like an ice cream ... i hate highschoolish feeling but goose bumps are still fun. nakakatuwa na nakakatawa.

reminder: to avoid melting all the way, avoid sitting at the back row so you won't have the freedom to stare!

Thursday, June 3, 2010

a backgroud kind of love

ever felt that? do you even know how it works? well i know... and i won't define it here for your convenience coz that would mean pouring myself out which is a total no NO!

Monday, March 22, 2010

saddened

what could be more hurtful than seeing your dream being handed down to somebody else who didn't didn't even for once thought of ever receiving it.

i'm so beaten, i feel all worthless at the same time. i don't know where i'm getting my will to work anymore.

my whole being is crashed.

Sunday, March 7, 2010

kapayvanuvanua



Kapayvanuvanua – March 6 2010
Diura, Mahatao

Kapayvanuvanua is a ritual done by the fishermen of the Fishing Village in Diura, Mahatao. It is practiced every March in the beginning of the Fishing season. They kill a pig and predict the season by interpreting the veins and overall outlook of the liver of the offering. Specifically, the fish that they catch in this part of the province is the durado, a silver big fish in the sea and a beautiful golden one when out of the water. The fish costs around P500.00 per piece when sold dried.

Ryan Donato informed me that tataya owners who lend their fishing boats to the fishermen in the place will only get their share when the season is over (an effect of their belief).

The Ritual as I observed

It wasn’t totally dark at 5am. The moon was already showing half of its face although it was cloudy. Flashlights hit us every now and then as the press people, observers and ritual participants started to gather by the beachfront. Somewhere near the gathering, a pig struggled to free itself from the ropes that tie its feet and mouth.

As the fishermen waited for their leader, they started putting out their cellular phones and texted. Soon, the roll call began. Some of the outsiders paid around 250-300 pesos to be part of the roll call. Before the actual ritual started, a tour guide briefed us, we are not to make jokes and ask questions, not to take pictures at water’s reach and not to engage in small unnecessary talks.
They then went to get the tied pig… carried by 4 men, they laid it about 3 meters near the calmly moving sea. Some fishermen went to get the cogon to burn the offering with. In all these, the interpreter which I assume is also the leader only watched.

When slight light started to brighten the shore, the men tightly held the pig and the leader bore a knife to its neck (neck ba un? hehe). As they did, the leader started talking to the unseen, facing the pig, his back against the sea. Here are some of the lines he chanted… (I wasn’t able to record the whole chant).
… a makayapu du manuma umdinaw am vayavayaten… an mian mangwan a kadwan du lugar aya mana sadiawen na u lugar aya, am an angu angay na parinen, an kapaywuswus na kumaru am mununut siya… nu vatahen nu nanma maytataw am chadima mana chapuhu am mian raherahet na, amna peahen namen ava… (Whoever shall come to the place to own it or do bad things to it, whatever he will do will come back to him)

Then the leader stands up, walks forward, spoke some more and took the first sip of the palek, ivatan wine. When he’s done, his assistant gave everyone a dose of the palek, including children (everyone around must taste).

After this, they burned the pig, cleaned the black stain with sea water and started cutting. The bolo they used was dull, the cutter said bawal ang matalas. They cut the pig very carefully for they must get the whole liver without any cuts to it. The leader then interpreted what the veins and the overall outlook of the liver is saying. everyone listened…
…Ravanchi kayan na as ravanchi kabu na. avavak danan rayon u kavid na. jirad mangamung am mavid ya… (it won’t be plenty yet it won’t be few. The best catch will be by midsummer. For fisher folks, this is a good sign).

After the reading, the pig’s left pata was handed to the old man. He and his right man walked along the shore to the middle of the vanwa. As they reach the center of the vanwa, he raised the meat 4 times while chanting. We weren’t able to hear the chant because we weren’t permitted to come close him anymore. After the fourth raise, he paused and walked towards his right, this time, alone. His right man stayed where he was. As the old man walked, half dragged half carried the meat to where the water barely reaches it as if to tempt the sea with the meat. After a while he raised the meat again, 3 times and chanting still. He went back to his right man, still dragging the meat and together they walked back to us.

The ritual is a whole day affair. As the leader and his right man were doing their ‘thing’, the rest of the fishermen and housewives of the community were already preparing the pork for late breakfast and lunch.

A young carabao was also brought to the shore. They wrestled with it and killed it just like the way they did with the pig.

Conclusion and questions:

It was a pricey ritual. Well I don’t know who donated the pig and the carabao but those could’ve cost around 35,000 and up.

Participants’ texting before the roll call is an eyesore for the ritual. Plus, they themselves were joking as they cut the pig. It’s as if they weren’t serious with the ritual. Hmmm.

During the roll call some of us who weren’t even fishermen were also called out, because they paid 250-300 to the group. Why is that? I wasn’t able to ask at the time because we weren’t permitted to ask just yet.

Since we already left when they started burning the carabao, I don’t know what happened next. Will they interpret its liver again? What if the reading opposes that of the pig?

I wonder what happened to the pata that the leader dragged. Was it his share? Did they also cook it for lunch? Or they threw it to the sea?

Anyway, all in all, it was a nice ritual. The sharing and unity of the people in the small fishing village is remarkable. Everybody was tasked to do something for the affair and they get to bond with one another for a whole day as they look forward to a bountiful fishing season. Now isn’t that wonderful.