The Dreadfulness of Haloween

Taken in 2006: Creative Shot for Grad Pic

I feel the evilness creeping in me, distressingly wanting to escape the barricades I so strongly built to cage it.
I feel its desire to be liberated from the chain of moral issues tightly binding it to a wall of ethical behaviors.
I feel the blaze of the flames of inferno

Taken in 2009, Holy Week celebration

Yet I'm still blessed with the wisdom to know right from wrong
and a LITTLE virtue to follow the path that is good and turn my back to the havoc of bad karma

Taken in Boracay in Summer of 2007

But then again, desire may be persuasive and anything good might be tainted, scarred, polluted.
At times, you might find yourself slipping, no matter how tightly you cling on to sanity

Back in 2006 (forgot what hotel)

But if not for the one time shot of living a fucking meaningful life on this earth, I would let myself astray
The rule will always be that "If you foresee regret, leave that direction. Shut it. Forget it"

... of confused minds and feelings...

Current State: Foggy Brain

(I don't want to be the the kind of person who throws away eternal ramblings about simple things. I only started this blog as my way of expressing out feelings and thoughts that I cannot keep to myself else they will fester and grow deep down and threaten my most precious sanity. Only when the feelings get too interesting will I ever try to write it down and pour all that i can out so I may deeply sigh before I sleep and think that I am not alone in this).


I have learned in rather short years that there are people around you who will just do their part of messing with your life and that if you get too affected with it, you'll lose the game you never even imagined that you got into.

In the process you'll just have to learn how to deal with it although it's difficult to do so when these people are quite persistent. I find myself reading back to advices I've given friends and try to follow them but God what a failure i can be sometimes.

So I practice to lighten up things, laugh about it and try to find pleasure in it even though at times it's just too fucked up you won't know how to push through. I try not to hate people (egocentric that I am)... unlike before... i think that maybe... maybe they're just more messed up inside than the internal bleeding they're trying to inflict in me and then then my brain cells will conclude that i should understand them as much as i do myself.

(Note: I purposely did not get into details)

My Grudge

I don't want to keep grudges... they tend to eat me up.

But then...
how can you forgive a person who you know fooled and is still fooling people around
how can you forget the issues he turned around so that he
will come out as the holy one and the others become the evil ones...
how can you learn to free yourself from the trauma he brought
when he keeps on coming back and acts the way as he has always been....

          confident to the point of arrogance and the lack of concern for others

in the end... i fear...
for my faith, that it will become selective
for my friends, that they might be blinded and become victims
for my family that they may become the recipients of a renewed wrath from this air-filled minded man

I pray... I do...
I do wish this lump I'm having will just melt away
But there's something that is keeping me from doing so

Maybe until I find repentance in his actions
Maybe until I find admission in his eyes
Maybe until I find the change in his whole being

Maybe, maybe then... I can forgive.