In retrospect

2019 had been kind... not all that stress-free but all in all, bearable.

There were certainly moments when I was forced to look stronger than what I really felt because I know my love ones depended on that reliable fake facade and so I did. And I am thankful that I was given that courage if only to lessen the worries of others, especially my Eric ❤️.
I learned to take things lightly... I was lucky to have stumbled upon a book at book sale that inspired me a lot... every page of it is so worth the read. It is now one of my priced possessions ❤️

I don’t know what’s in store for 2020. I pray for the best. I know work will be as demanding as ever with two direct reports leaving but I am grateful to have a working boss that clearly knows what she wants and office companions that are equally dedicated to deliver better service. The team I had in 2019 were so talented and responsible... for that alone I am grateful 🙏🏼

At home, Chase turned to be a sweet little kid at six. He clings so much at mommy though. Doesn’t want to eat without me sitting beside him, does not lay down on bed if I’m not sleeping with him, even fears taking a bath with ama without me inside the bathroom too 🙄. He finds comfort with my presence and I think its cute but I don’t want him to overdo it. I’m glad that he now listens more when given instructions and seldom (almost never) throws tantrums. He loves me but at the same time fears me 💪🏻😁. 2020 will require more lesson sessions for us but I’m so ready for it kuya because I love you so so much... 

 

I pray 2020 brings better health! 

I am super grateful for the blessings that are pouring despite the challenges.

Thank you Lord God for looking after our family and our friends 🥰🙏🏼😘

Some dent this is 😔

Today... I lose a friend... or so I thought I have.

Well for my friend he chose to unfriend me... maybe, a week or a month ago. I just noticed it today. 

Normally I wouldn’t mind you know... FB is overrated most of the time... being friends on Facebook does not naturally mean you ARE really friends, some just want to get linked and maybe freely spy on you when they need to. My all-the-time better advise if you had been unlisted as a friend, is to RESPECT their decision because it is their wall after all. Maybe they are just going through something, they don’t want you to be bothered, or that you are just toxic on their walls.

In this case it feels a little bit different because although I want to just let it slide, I somehow feel guilt. My inner self believes I’ve done nothing out of ‘my normal’ to have cause this... but sometimes doing nothing is just the problem. I may not have done enough for a friend that is silently going through something 😢.

As the shitty me had been in the past... my indifference to situations failed me once more... I don’t know how I’m allergic to melodramatic situations. Even in my choices of movies and books, I would opt for the lighter happy-ending tone. I cannot handle straight-to-the-core conversations that would expose feelings and  uncontrolled emotions. I fear stress that involves dealing with other people’s sensitive moments... 

so I hid, i disappeared in thin air, or as my father once told my pals, just evaporate!

And my instinct tells me this is the reason...

It’s sad, for a self-proclaimed good judge of people’s characters... I know that this persOn who belongs to the choosy-but-real-friends club is for keeps. I have quiet a few friends who truly pick who they want to spend their valued moments... surely not the collector type but when they do invest in relationships... you’ll be sure to have signed up for a lifetime friend. It’s frustrating, though, that they get too moody and sometimes shallow, they act on impulse and tend to hate everybody for every little things 😕

I pray that my friend finds peace within. I feel sorry I failed to act ‘the friend’ when I know I was needed. It has not been the first time this happened. I know I’m distant and a lousy friend  😢

I pray for myself that I’ll find the courage to go out of my comfort zone and connect, as in truly connect with people because in this world of pretensions, it matters, self, IT MATTERS! 😭