in my world

In my world I am my king. I praise myself. I brace myself.

In my world I shine every moment. I laugh everytime. I conquer everything.

In my world there is nothing but happiness.

In that sanctuary… In my world…

i.am.happy.

sometimes... no often times i seem blue because i choose to write that way. i refuse to admit my happiness because it's easier to put in words the gloomy feelings. the ink of my pen, the will of my fingers to type is uprooted from a feeling of unhappiness.

but i am happy. i just dont know how to describe that feeling. i love being loved... cherished being prioritized by someone. thankful that i have him. glad that he's acts the way he is.

loveyou hal ^_^

what joy?

my joy was in the past
a laughing shadow of a twinkling eyes
a careless enjoyment of a light spirit

the present is dull
a routine of shamed pride and insecurities
a cycle of irritation and mistakes

the future is uncertain
like the path of a falling star that brought light and then darkness

what the rain brings

its raining again. the tiny droplets are fast becoming pools of cold water. the plants still fresh from morning dew are now covered with spots of mud.
our building is silent, almost trembling with the unknown possibility of the future. the air is suspiciously calm, almost as rigid as the windows now used to being shut.the lanterns hang in deep sleep as if christmas is not coming any sooner.

and i... i am stuck, stranded in a feeling brought about by this rain. a feeling of shuffled unhappiness, confusion and only mild contentment. the rain does not bring the usual feeling of gladness anymore. it somehow betrayed us, brought the coldness to the innermost feelings of individuals.

i am not happy. i doubt anybody is...

red alert

why do gurls need to suffer from dysmennorhea?

why do we even suffer at all, every month?

i hate it.. makes me weak.

darn it!

why can't they just wait?

my brother has gotten his girlfriend pregnant.. AGAIN! now my mom is forced to let them marry.. with her having to sacrifice. she is going to fund it.. well that's if she can find a company where she can loan...

i pity her and i hate my brother. an irresponsible brat!

overtimesssssssss

that's my dream laptop... and the given purple dark chocos...

that picture was taken during our work overtime yesterday.. we went home at 11:30 last night and still have to come to the office at 8 this morning. it was exhausting but i i love working with friends. im gald they were asked to help.

i was trying not to get stressed last night but it really pissed me when the person who volunteered to get me home was showing that he's in a not-so-good mood for having to wait for hours. it made me want to resume my plan of renting a room here in basco.

the boss left today... i got to go to mass. it's mama mary's day so its a mass of obligation.

i have to get home early.. rest... sleep... hibernate..

my new fun friends!

one thing why i love my new job... i got new friends and they're fun to mingle with. they're nice, intelligent and helpful! no one is above one another, no competition.. there is just work, fun and friendship around us. love it!

i'm thankful i have young work mates, we can bond and connect.

this picture was taken on a holiday. we cooked and ate out. that actually is beside a beach but the sun was still so high up so we looked for a shaded area and ate.

...

haypi bertdey my love..

deviating from the cause of holiday

we were supposed to be in sabtang! (friday, holiday in commemoration of ninoy's death)

but ryan didn't want to go and opted to join his class for a picnic at disvayangan... so we decided not to go to sabtang, instead we ended up surprising joy baldomar at her house in itbud.

it was fun and fulfilling. we brought with us a dressed chicken to cook, but when we arrived we hit the sea at once to gather 'abung' for lunch. there were four of us, waldo, ara, leila and me plus joy. lei and waldo were first timers, didn't really know how to find those rich in iodine 'abung', (smaller versions of tahong)

the place owns a magnificent view... (pictures to follow)

we got back to joy's house after an hour and started cooking. lunch was delicious and everyone was so ganado... i cooked spaghetti for snack and we ate it all, superb deal! im good haha.

we drank matador and got home at around 9pm..

we're sorry ninoy for not even thinking of you when we were given this holiday, but we love you though for being a dignified hero, husband and a father... chenez!

but as i try to cheer up...

do i really deserve losing 4000 bucks?

that was from my first salary and i was about to deposit it in my landbank account to add to my savings. im planning to buy my own laptop by december. but i guess it wont happen now. maybe faith is against me buying my own laptop. i hate life.

i was so trusting that i left my belongings on my table which is unfortunately located just beside the door so that everyone who passes will have a chance to see me. maybe the saying is true that people are only honest because they dont have the chance to steal... and i gave that theft a chance by trustingly displaying my belongings.. damn it. that money could've gone a long way. kung kelan naman talaga i have the chance to help my family saka pa nawala. i was starting to help, natikman naman nila kahit papano but the one that was supposed to stay with me na e nawala.

its sad.. and so damn frustrating! 1thou na lang talaga natira, i left that at home because i set it aside as my allowance for the rest of the month.

the question now is... tataba pa ba ko nitong konti na lang ang pang merienda?

i try to cheer up

job isn't really promising right now... we started with the 8thou + aca pera, then to the possibility of getting the secretarial position during the application process... now that i'm here she started with possible intructor as a starter position... and then the imposibility of getting the college sec position because i do have to finish a masterals degree. and then lastly, a 370/day contractual plus honorarium for teaching... it did slowly went down the drain eh...

but i try to cheer myself up... you know nobody starts with the high position. it just have to start from the lower ranks. so hegel... SMILE.. there's hope and you are good. the star is not that very far.. ^_^

THE IRONY

as i start a new contenting job... the used-to-be happy and gay ICC family was turmoiled by our egoistic parish priest. he's a spoiled priest and he wants all the choir activities and decisions to pass through his so called office. it wouldn't be a problem you know.. had he told it to us in an acceptable manner...my leadership appetite would not have been ruined. instead he chose to shame the group by talking to us in a meeting wherein his feet was high on the armchair while scolding us. he's too blunt with no reservations and never accepts his wrong.. always with better explanations... he's hateful.. grrr.

anyway i wont leave the choir... he's not whom i'm serving.

the new job

i have moved... changed direction... turned to a brighter side.

since july of 2009 i started as an assistant to the college secretary of the batanes state college. i actually didn't apply for this job but for some lucky circumstances i was chosen to take the probation period for eventually becoming the college and board of trustees secretary. the probation period as the college president told me will take five months or 1 semester. i really really hope i can do this... salary grade 14 is not bad eh? hehe...

well as you know i was previously the tourism operations assistant at the provincial governor's office but that was in a job order basis that has to be renewed monthly.. well atleast here i'm one step higher as a contractual with 4000 addition to the wage. not that bad for someone working in batanes.

i'm actually happy here.. more of contented than gay hehe. but this will do.. i i will make it work. aja! i'm still a lucky pretty girl hehe... may God always guide me to be a better worker and a servant.

nephew's 1st bday

i'm the proud aunt of the energetic one year old garren paul. he's such a cute baby. he wants different things at the same time. but he loves taking a bath and eating among other things. he enjoys them, cries when he's getting out of the tub and cries when you feed him slowly. he likes his spoon full and fast. haha.

his godparents were surprise of his eating habits. imagine a kid overweight since his birth. he's big for his age, blame that to his big-sized parents.

his party was sponsored mostly by the ruiz side which is us.. hehe. we enjoyed giving him what a kid deserves.


we love you garren paul... you're a cute blessing to us.

the new part time job

this should be exciting and boring as well haha... i'm gonna be a tourism principles instructress... how 'bout that eh? it'll be for the first semester of this school year at the batanes state college. my students will be at their second year and therefore must be teacher abiding by now.

im currently doing their syllabus. sad to say the college does not give as much prerogative to the teacher as our instructors have in UP diliman. the grading system is 100% from them. whew! anyways maybe i can find loops behind that system. they do not seem to be strict implementers of their policies.

this job will give me confidence in public speaking... well atleast i hope haha. plus.. i got to refresh my knowledge in my tourism field. i'm not gonna teach them outdated data am i? harhar. the small per hour payment does not actually matter at this time... as long as i'll do this job at my best... i'll benefit from it..it'll do me good...

gifts

i loooovvvveee gifts... but it doesn't have to be expensive! okkey?! i can be happy with small things.. ofcourse i love as well the expensive ones but you don't have to go out of your way to give me those.. i can be happy with your lovely letters.. i adore them dear..;)

happy anniversary!

yep yep yep... today IS the day! friday the 13th... but it's ok, we'll nullify whatever bad karma the world is concerned about on these days...

i'm so happy i have you in my life hal... you've changed me from being indifferent to a loving and caring person.. you're all i'll ever want to be with someday... i love you!

cocktail disaster

we went to this agro industrial fair at the batanes state college yesterday and it was a lot of fun... well at first though haha..

the hotel and restaurant group had the whole auditorium to themselves and they turned a corner into a mini bar... the cheapest cocktail drinks i ever tasted were there. at P13 you can have a screw driver placed in a martini glass... isn't that exciting! the highest price was only P45 and it was the sangria.. we started of with that drink. it was more of a red wine then they added sprite soda. we also tasted the ever famous tequila sunrise in two different colors, margarita and the daiquiri. we started drinking at around 10am so i was woozy at lunch.

then we went back to the office and it's where the disaster started... haha. damn! i'll never ever drink all that in one sitting again. they were all mixed up in my stomach that i vomitted 3 times for the afternoon. what a mess i made at the rest room haha.. eeew! i also wasn't able to attend the 6pm mass coz i was suffering from headache.

oh and the governor caught us drinking at the bar too... i hope he didn't notice me not attending the women's parade early that morning. i'm definitely guilty...

marley & me

the latest movie i watched is by owen and jennifer aniston and it's a family thing... honestly i didn't enjoy it. it's too light and i don't understand why the couple became so attached with the dog who had been irritating from the start? i don't get it. the movie practically revolved around the dog who since the beginning had been eating and biting their furnitures. surely, marley the dog should have been trained for all those years that he lived with a family. if i'll do the summary it'll be just this..

a dog got a home, ate a bunch, chewed furnitures, barked at night, irritated its masters, got old... and finally died.

a couple got married, applied for a job, got a house, bought a dog, chased the dog most of the time, had children, wife resigned from job, husband got promoted, lived in the rural, pet the compulsive dog, cried when marley died.

and that's it. not even funny, not even that dramatic. but one thing i like about it is the behavior of the couple throughout their marriage... giving much consideration to the betterment of the other.

when will i be ever ready?...

almost all of my college friends want to visit batanes and they have been saying that since our college days! we've graduated a year now and this coming summer they'll start coming. i really hope i can entertain them financially. this low income is really setting my limitations to the lowest level. i want to accomodate them when they're here na but it really is pricey!

i need a business... i need moreincome... i need money!

it's getting hot...

it definitely is! summer is sure coming and my skin is not ready... sunblocks aren't popular in this part of the land and sleeveless aren't that popular... but what the heck! i bought second hand spaghetti straps to wear at home and on weekends. i'm also gonna buy a blender for my summer fruit juices.. haaay.. i can smell bora from here. i miss those days.

anyways.. i planned to have a garden but mom said plants won't grow well on hot weather so i'll do that by july probably. i'm going to do some crossstiching for the meantime.. mine and hal's faces hehe... vanity..;)

but let me not forget my schooling. i still have to enroll on MA. summer classes are forever.

i hope summer will end with a nice accomplishment...

via crucis...

lent is coming... admittedly, i like it and i hate it as well... it's solemn but it requires a lot of effort... today we will start the way of the cross around our town. good thing our town's a small one haha.. i hope we'll be able to fill the streets. people might just be encouraged to join since it is held at night. it's the first time we'll ever do the way of the cross on friday... we were used to sunday afternoons.

choir will have to practice... we must.. Aja! God Bless us..

why am i taking it

i'm confused and uninspired... i'm taking this masteral in educational management and at the same time having my BS education undergrad. but i really don't want to become a teacher someday..

you see i already graduated in UP by taking up tourism... now that i’m here in the island, i don’t want my brain to get stuck so i started enrolling onto what’s available.

And now.. i just want to get it over with.. the classes are boring..

my sister

she's my lovable sister... fun, chubby and kikay.

they have this filipino wear as their theme in the socio soc's anniversary pictorial... cool eh? she's studying at the UP los banos. i think the school did her good with her introvert issue.. she's a timid gurl and i worry about her taking care of herself sometimes.

i miss her..;)

pictures to follow

Ok so i’m officially 23 years old.. mom said i was born at about 3am in the morning.. tough call huh haha.

I got a swatch watch as a gift from hal... yiii.. nice! I love it! and today he bought sandals for me. Well i didn’t ask him to, he just love giving me gifts. How sweet.

Anyway, back to my birthday, i cooked for the first time a tuna casserole but the kids aren’t used to white pasta to they didn’t taste it. my visitors were mostly kids, choir members and the children of my batchmates. They’re pure fun running around and watching tv while they ate.

Since it has been our choir agreement to not drink while the kids are around, the drinking session started late. Father Wilfred was there drinking matador with us.

Admittedly it wasn’t as fun as last year but it was surely less disturbing to neighbours haha. And i loved my birthday.. it’s my own and i did enjoy!

last day!

tomorrow i’ll be older... i still feel like i’m 21.. i kind of stuck to that age...


but to make it fair to my 22nd year... it was indeed memorable. It’s when i found the guy for me and fell inlove with him! To the max hehe. And i know in the love aspect... i’m blessed, more than blessed..

career wise.. i’m happy that i got this job but i’m still under employed. In terms of payment, i’m way below the level that i should get. So for my 23rd year here on earth which will be starting tomorrow, I WISH TO GET PERMENENTED IN MY WORK. I’m a tourism operations assistant at the provincial government of batanes but in a casual basis. Meaning i don’t get to have financial and health supports. It’s really a shame that i get paid less than the allowance i received when i was still in college. To think that i graduated from the best school in the country (UP Diliman), well, i hope i won’t stay at this level forever. I don’t want to leave this paradise and look for greener pasture in the city.

Oh and i was also voted as the president of our parish choir... not that i’m completely happy with the responsibilities but the organization is formed by lovable people and so i am proud and glad that i got to lead them. our website will be coming soon! I’ll post the site here. *wink*

I’m thrilled, anticipating ‘my day’... but for the meantime... i’ll log off and enjoy the remaining hours of my 22nd year.

La la la la la... ;)

the millions jackpot!

Man! How i wish i can get hold of that P230 million jackpot! Philippine charity sweepstakes is gaining a lot these days... more and more Filipinos are inspired to buy tickets. Of course i cannot because i’m so far away from the ticket world so i get zero probability of even winning... but still i’m salivating to that amount! Money money money! You’re everything that men need.

such politics!

it's not fair and right that the president will not consider Feb. 25 as a not-special-holiday. come on, why only this year?

for everyone's information, in February 25, 1986, a peaceful people power revolution unseated the then dictator president Marcos. the filipinos inaugurated Corazon Aquino, the wife of Ninoy Aquino who was shot as he was getting off an airplane in NAIA. she was the first filipino female president and since her time, every president considered the 25th of february a special holiday for the filipinos... well, until now.

president arroyo is the 2nd phil female president and was also inaugurated in a people power revolution. aquino and arroyo used to be at the same position/party/side. but then aquino grew tired of the president's administration and chose the opposition. in result, arroyo declared the edsa 1 commemoration as a working day. how frustrating! to think that the president is a pro to holidays. why not allow this particular one this year? how obvious is the politicizing. i know one of the reasons is because edsa 2 is not as popular as the 1st people power... envy and hatred of two females affect every filipinos. so gloria, global crisis cannot be bought as a reason to not give a holiday...

connection

that is an unfinished cemented replica of a 'vanga'... it is located at the town entrance just ahead of the park... to those that don't get the connection, don't worry, i too didn't get it at first. i mean yeah.. why did they thought of putting it there?

actually it's a project of the municipal government.. the 'vanga' based on a historical writing was popularly crafted in Ivana long time ago. the old people of Ivana says that Ivana came from the word ivanga meaning makers of 'vanga'. a vanga is a kind of pot used during the olden days as storage of water. the practice is not done anymore in the small town but the statue will serve as a reminder of how the town got its name.

taking care of the heart

this site is a must-see on valentines day! Literally it takes your breath away.. and you can only view it when you're on top of the lighthouse.. it's a romantic place to be

as previously stated.. we ate at Therese'... i liked their java rice... their porkchop tasted ok but it was too expensive for its size. P150 tas isa lang na mabuto... whereas when you eat sa mall, bigger na, it tastes as good and in a more affordable price pa. haaay... that's why i want to be at the city on special days e. the spicy chicken was not juicy... the sauce revealed the flavor to be sweet-and-a-little spicy. but the lunch was great.. (it has to be! haha)

more updates to come..

Limited

Living in a place where malls and restaurants are lacking is kinda hard and boring... especially for couples who would want to be sweet to each other. Choices are very limited and one has to order from the city pa to get the perfect gift. It’s costly and sort of impractical.

But nevertheless.. we should not forget that Batanes is a paradise in its remoteness. Nothing can outstand its landscape and culture. So for valentines, hal and I plan to visit the best sites of Batan and eat at the best resto their is in town (Therese).

Happiness is at its best during moments of togetherness...
HAPPY HEARTS DAY EVERYONE!

with hatred burning

January 2009



I have been thinking this for a while now.. That you’re not man enough to decide for us. Even small details like where we should meet, what will we do, etc. they always always come from me… my sentiment has never been strongly confirmed, not until tonight. I have been the one talking when it should have been you. He was interrogating us in a way and you just kept silent because you’re so fucking careful about your reputation. You just let me be, you even loosened your grip! Man, it’s when critical things happen that we should see the love burning… damn you and damn that chief!
I want you to go face them… I don’t care when and how… it’s the only way I’ll ever fully forgive you…

an october sentiment

In-between Change
October 14, 2008

I’m not really sure if change is the in-between of old and new or it is the end result of a replacement but no matter, my issue here is the taboos and secrets before change ever starts to be born.

To have change happen, the center bed of the bridge must be crossed first. There’s nothing as to crossing without some process in this world and that process is the an obstacle that makes peoples lives more complicated.

Gossip. One thing we cannot really avoid… it’s a rotten mannerism yet juicy and exciting to engage upon. of course, we always want to do things our way and mostly we want it in a straight way without the zigzags brought by too many unwritten stations of communication, yet, it doesn’t happen that way (maybe it will never materialize in the government setting). And so we have to deal with gossip and with it also comes all the negative aspects and feedbacks from people. We stab each other at our backs and embrace when we’re facing. We secretly despise those that contradict our nature yet we cannot voice out what we feel in front of them for the sake of harmony in the work place.

I don’t patronize those engaging in such useless activity, and I admit at times I’m guilty of it but I don’t hate them… either side, in hours I‘ll be neutral again. at these moments when such crisis pops, my college thesis partner always comes in mine… a selfless person who rarely takes grudge over anyone. Her philosophy is always to live for the moment, if she’s envy of you, she says so without feeling any less of a person because she is happy for your success. That’s it. She never questions what God lays upon her. If she’s faced with something not nice, she makes it her challenge to make it better. I hope people around my workplace are more like her in regards to their perspectives.

The ‘trabaho lang’ style is better than staying in this state… I think that now…

Hoping They'll Realize

I don.t know why not greeting here (work place) is so much an issue to people.. Where in fact in developed countries, the big bosses even permit subordinates to call them by first name to make them more approachable.. in Singapore, they don’t go around inspecting courtesy, they do their job and that’s more important than wasting time in greetings because it’s what made them successful in the first place… you ever think why private companies are more productive than the government? Because they’re goal-oriented, they don’t bother with these self-inflicted issues! so don’t wonder why we are so left behind. Self-check lang guys ha… bakit kaya sa tingin nio e mas napapansin nio pa those that do not greet than you noticing them doing their works? That’s because it’s so much imbedded in your characters that a casual, no matter what his attainment is, is still a casual and therefore MUST SHOW RESPECT! Guys, ego… pride… you’re clouded by it. It’s not as if I hate you guys… I don’t… hindi ko naman kayo iniismiran, hindi naman ako nagsisimangot, at lalong hindi ako nakikipagplastikan. I’m just me, I talk to the ones I know and I’m civil to those I don’t. binabati ko naman ung mga tao sa office where I am assigned and admittedly mas binabati ko ang mga casual kasi sila ung mas kilala ko. come on, disheartening talaga to have a big fuzz over this. Hindi nio ba naisip na one of the reasons why you expect daily greetings e dahil gusto nio lang I-assertain ang superiority nio? Maybe you deserve respect, but don’t we all? Kahit ung tagalinis, they also want to be greeted, and personally I think that they need it more to bring smiles to their faces bago pa man sumabak sa trabaho kesa sa mga nagdedemand na batiin sila. it’s never good to demand respect you know, what will be given to you is not genuine. there’s this need pa that greetings should be initiated by us, but why is that? If you really want to be noticed, ba’t di ikaw ang mauna diba? Kaya lang, there’s this bakit-ako-mauuna-attitude that is so driven by PRIDE pala by those who want to be looked up to kaya they never greet first.. And then later maiinis kung bakit hindi sila binati. It’s such a crooked manner… Bumabati naman ako, hindi lang nalalahat, so please don’t judge people merely by that. Mas matatanggap ko pa if I’m judged dahil palpak ang trabaho ko, but this? This is YOUR issue, not mine.

Remember, not because someone didn’t greet you doesn’t mean he has no respect, there are such things as silent and unspoken respect and they are way better than those voiced out.